Be careful, marriage! Or the five main myths about marriage
“All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy about it,” - in this famous quotation from the novel “Anna Karenina”, of course, there is a grain of truth, but in modern realities it looks more like an attitude. A single template for all successful marriages does not exist, just as there is no truth in that marriage is a vaccine against all diseases and ills. Each person is unique, each couple is unique, each joint path is special and unlike anything else. And before entering into an official relationship, it would be good to clarify and, ideally, to debunk the myths on their account, densely populated in our minds. And here are the most common ones:
Myth number 1: "He's my second half"
The myth of the second half is very common in our culture. Under the half means some of our second part, which is somewhere gone. It is completely unclear when and where it has disappeared - whether it happened in childhood, in the belly of the mother or in general much earlier.The halves still refer to people with obvious compatibility, or, as they say, soul mates. Indeed, we often meet people like us, but this is not the primary reason to start relationships or build families. It is important to understand that you are attracted to each other by the same structure of the psyche - some views on things, reactions and so on. There are no "halves" in nature. And to be even more honest, this is a story about the injured psyche, which is looking for the same sufferer. Yes, it will be good for you to suffer and torture each other together. But maybe it is better to fill your own half with meaning, to “heal” so that the full “half” is attracted to you, and not some kind of slurred half empty?
Myth number 2: "If a husband loves me, it will necessarily change"
In this myth, there are at once two stupidities - to wait for the person to change, and to converge with the wrong partner. In the latter case, it would be good to understand why you contacted him at all, what really motivated you or moves you (not exactly love). If you are one of those who are waiting for corrections from a partner, then get ready to join the ranks of the most disappointed people on the planet.Such relationships are exhausting, bringing "convenience" to someone from whom they are waiting for something. This person sits on the neck, turns into a child, even sometimes regresses, and does not think at all to look in the direction that you are desperately imposing on him. You take on the role of a savior, use manipulations and continue to know nothing about love. Wake up, none of us has the task of correcting others, especially husbands. All that is required of us in a marriage is to love. But who you love - this is a question of your choice.
Myth number 3: "He must guess everything himself"
Women love this technique very much in marriage and before it. To invent something, to take offense, to be silent and wait for a reaction. This behavior is the fastest way to show yourself hysterical. The lack of predictability and your closeness is one of the most frequent causes of quarrels and conflicts. Remove the crown called "I am a woman" from the head and learn to express in plain text, not nonverbal hints. What seems obvious to one may be completely unclear to the other. In addition, it went a little bit - sit and wait until your loved one reads your thoughts. Just imagine, the husband decided to go for a beer with friends and on the eve of Friday he sits and waits for you to “release” him to the long-awaited bachelor party.Then he takes offense, why you do not ask him about plans, does not go anywhere and closes in a room with a prefix. Very beautiful and adult behavior, is not it?
Myth number 4: "He loves me so much that he will not go anywhere."
We all know how they both try at the beginning of a relationship. Signs of attention, pleasant trivia, delicate communication and so on. But as relations develop, we perceive each other as a matter of course. On the one hand, this suggests that relationships develop and become more mature. But on the other hand, the sadness of that very period is very justified: your love was built on those little things. If you notice that you stop appreciating your partner, think about what will happen to both of you, if you disagree. Warm your feelings in many different ways, look for those very love points that bring joy and remind you of why you are together. Marriage is not a pledge of eternal family bonds. Any partner can become bad in a relationship - never forget that.
Myth number 5: "Children will make our life together happier"
Frequent delusion. Particularly characteristic of those women who have a lot of problems with her husband.Studies show that the appearance of the first child is often associated with stress and leads to the separation of partners from each other. There are hundreds of reasons for this. The merger of the mother and child with the displacement of her husband. Postpartum depression. Voltage associated with life. A child is a strong test for unstable couples. Unfortunately, we are not prepared for all obstacles that await immediately after discharge from the hospital. Neither woman nor man has important information and knowledge, without which the family very often goes to the bottom. In a new situation for all the partners from the confusion are closed from each other, they perceive the reality in a distorted way: the woman suffers that the man has moved away, the man does not understand what happens to the once tender and beloved girl. There are no guilty, there are unprepared. But the myth remains a myth: children do not save marriage, and they do not have to.
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