New motherhood, or How not to dissolve in the child

In her reproaches, Miro is not alone: ​​you open any secular survey with photos of Ksenia Sobchak and the comments below and immediately stumble upon a wave of anger under the code name # with convictions, censures and almost curses. Indeed, for our conservative society, which has recently taken a course toward tradition and closeness rather than liberalism and broad-minded politics, a mother who does not go headlong into the upbringing of her child is a negative phenomenon, whereas in Europe this is a no longer new, but still a trend that is increasingly unfolding in society. Before we criticize, let's see why this happens and what are the social roots of this phenomenon.

Video posted by Ksenia Sobchak (@xenia_sobchak)Jan 18 2017 at 6:44 PST

Photo posted by Ksenia Sobchak (@xenia_sobchak)Jan 12 2017 at 1:15 PST

Photo posted by Ksenia Sobchak (@xenia_sobchak)Jan 31 2017 at 11:49 PST

Spain has its own “Ksenia Sobchak” - a successful journalist Samantha Villar, who made a career on provocative reports,and at the age of 40 she decided to become a mother, and last summer she first gave birth to twins, and then released a book about her motherhood experience. Villar is not officially married, but has the so-called "civil husband" for two years, and the twins conceived with the help of donor eggs (quite an ordinary scenario for Spain, where nobody tries to marry early and offspring with offspring). By the release of the book, the newly-made mother gave several interviews and in one of them stated that “motherhood is a loss of the quality of life,” and admitted that the children did not make her happier at all. Samantha argues that in our time the concept of “motherhood” is only idyllic decoding, whereas not all women experience this period of life in this way, and the interpretation itself “became a mother means happy” painfully hits those with who any miracle miraculous after childbirth did not happen. Since fathers do not do anything supernatural (by the way, have you ever heard of the concept of “fatherly instinct”?), Then why should all women portray that their life has become more joyful than the old?

Sayings Villars replicated several famous publications,and the controversy was not long in coming: some severely condemned the journalist and “regretted” that now with the children she would not have so much time for restaurants and social events. And others supported the fact that she honestly and openly expressed a different view of motherhood from a woman who deliberately decided to use assisted reproductive technologies, spent money on it (in Spain, the average cost of such a procedure is from 10,000 euros), and if you don’t say “Disappointed”, she certainly did not feel anything magically beautiful, as all around love to sing motherhood. Samantha is not a childfree at all, not an ardent hater of children, but a bright representative of the madre desapegada phenomenon (literally “not tied to the mother’s child”), which does not condemn motherhood itself, but doesn’t want to focus entirely on the child and all forces (read, all your accounts in social networks) to demonstrate that with the advent of offspring, her life has changed dramatically.

Photo published by Samanta Villar (@samantavillar)May 12 2016 at 6:19 PDT

Photo published by Samanta Villar (@samantavillar)Aug 4 2016 at 7:45 pdt

Photo published by Samanta Villar (@samantavillar)Nov 19 2016 at 2:50 pst

If you look closer to this phenomenon, then from private criticism Sobchak, Villar and other "unattached" will want to turn to the condemnation of the present society as a whole, which requires a woman, but - attention! - not from a man, to manage everything in the world: to study well, but at the same time to earn a lot, be educated, but at the same time sexually attractive, always busy, but happy and positive, able to cook, but not to get fat, live for the family , but it does not turn into a wedge, and so on to infinity. As a matter of fact, women need to have time everywhere and do not screw up anywhere, but no one applies instructions how to be successful and competitive in a career and at the same time loving and sacrificing home, but someone will certainly check how quickly you lose weight after giving birth and do not “run” themselves too. How do real women react to this, who understand the absurdity of overstated requests? Just about the same as you, discovering that you were loaded with four heavy suitcases with the saying "you should": you will carry out as much as you can, give priority to the most valuable one and upon arrival you will not forget to express your discontent with the fact that they did not get wild pleasure from exhausting burden.

The same madres desapegadas do the same - they carry that suitcase that they like, and concentrate only on it, not trying to pass what they want into reality and taking photos of the children’s feet to convince everyone that their world turned upside down in one minute and everything was illuminated with a magical pink light. They do not perceive motherhood as a miracle and do not want to create illusions, and in communicating with their children they practice distance not because they do not love them, but because they want to grow them into independent individuals with their own interests, which are women in our world defend somehow especially difficult.

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