What does empathy really mean?
It is considered that empathy is a kind of immersion in another person. When to understand a partner, you need to merge with him into a single whole. Think for him, suggest something, evaluate facial expressions and draw conclusions. Most do so, calling their actions good motives and care. Did you notice the thought that you are “sensitive to people” or can you guess about their desires or moods? Sometimes these are really manifestations of empathy, especially when you put yourself in a partner’s place and can evaluate it and your condition as if from a side. Only in this case there is a chance to adequately assess what is happening. But most of us are deeply mistaken and put a partner in the place of our loved one. It seems that one wants to feel another, but the projections of one's own emotions turn out to be stronger.
For example, a colleague came to work sad. Your personal projections are starting to come to your mind, why is he in such a mood?An inner monologue and a sense of self-worth can even lead to the thought, “Maybe it was he who offended me yesterday?” Or something like that. There is no strength to endure, and you begin to torture him with questions or advice. A discouraged colleague of courtesy says "thank you", and you, satisfied, remind yourself how well your empathy is still well developed. Once again, no. You just love to get into others' heads, when you were not asked, and even without embarrassment you are voicing it.
Or it happens that you are often asked for something, and you repeatedly refuse to refuse, go on about it, believing that this is also your empathy. Or you fell in love with someone. And you begin to savor your one-sided feeling, and then think that the other feels the same (or a little less does not matter), but in your fantasies you go with him in unison. The object of your attention is slowing down a little - it is afraid to open up or shy, you think. That is, do not put yourself in the place of another, in order to really imagine whether he can experience anything at all to you (in this case, this is a manifestation of empathy) - you put it in its place, and therefore you see that the feelings are mutual .
So what do non-expatriates usually do? Know nothing about boundaries. Everyone who meets them on the way (or likeable for some reason) is considered not a separate person, but an extension of himself. That is why we so often like people in whom we see something of our own, to us close. And we feel mistrust towards the “alien”, that is, something new and unknown to us. It turns out that we in all are looking for and love ourselves, but we cannot show interest in another person with our own, other content.
Neempaty often "meet", they themselves do not understand why, and then they get angry that people use their kindness. Neempatians think that dividing borders is cold, hostility and indifference. And their good heart has a completely different mission - to never offend anyone. Very often these non-empaths are very meticulous, indecisive, offended. Their kindness is needed by all, and those who do not see it are insensitive egoists.
In these empaths life is in full swing. They respect themselves and others, do not climb to where they are not asked, cooperate only on the basis of mutual benefit, see other people's manipulations and intentions - in general, live in their own interests, without disturbing anyone.It is a pleasure to communicate with them: their sensitivity to people is priceless.
And only when you acknowledge that the rest have nothing to do with your exclusive inner world, they are in themselves, will real curiosity awaken you. And who are they, and how are they arranged, and what are they passionate about? This is a genuine basis for friendship, work, love. This is just the right vision of another person - with clear, full of interest eyes, without illusions or expectations.
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