What is separation?
Raising a child is a difficult task and a long process. But someday all children leave their home and are separated from their parents: it is inevitable, normal and necessary for the start of adulthood. And moms and dads should know what the separation means and how it goes.
What is it?
What is separation? In psychology, the so-called process of gradual separation of the child from the parents, its formation as a self-sufficient, separate, independent and full-fledged personality. This phenomenon is inevitable, normal and necessary, because without it, a matured person will simply not be able to start an adult life.
There are several types of separation:
- Emotional or sensual. The child does not need the constant approval of the parents, he learns to make decisions on their own, does not require the constant support of the father and mother.
- Attributive separation presupposes that when making decisions by a person, it is not the parental attitudes that are taken as a basis, but their own perception of the situation, an independent assessment of what is happening.
- Moral or value separation means that the individual develops his own life views and principles that do not depend on the norms instilled by the father and mother. Usually, a person at a conscious age takes into account generally accepted moral principles.
- Functional separation begins when the child learns to support himself. Moreover, entry into this type of separation does not necessarily imply material self-sufficiency, which will certainly have to follow later. A teenager learns to become self-sufficient in everyday life: keep himself and his clothes clean, prepare food.
- Conflict separation is considered complete if a person does not experience feelings and guilt due to leaving family and separation from the closest people.
For your information! Speech about the successful, full and complete separation of a person from his parents is possible only with the passage of all the above types of separation.
How is the separation? It begins at an early age, proceeds consistently and continuously, sometimes painfully. There are such stages:
- The first stage, many psychologists call the appearance of a child to the light. After birth, he already ceases to be part of a woman, begins to get acquainted with the world and exist separately.
- From 4-6 months, the baby begins to actively explore the world, to understand that he has his own body, which can be controlled.
- From about the year the child takes the first steps and begins to realize that it is not necessary to constantly be near the mother.
- From about three years old the child understands his own “I”, performs independent actions, forms a personality. Although the child is still dependent on the mother, he does not always listen to her unquestioningly, but realizes that he can make decisions himself. Also at this stage there is socialization, access to society, the development of communication skills.
- Transitional age or puberty - perhaps the most difficult stage at which puberty occurs. The teenager is clearly aware of his belonging to a particular sex, takes the body, gradually feels attractive. He begins to defend his own opinion, to assert himself, to strive for independence in everything.Active interaction with the opposite sex also begins, and some teens begin a romantic relationship.
- The final stage is the beginning of an independent life. If a girl or young man begins to work, then he switches to self-sufficiency and ceases to depend financially on his father and mother. Pupils young people feel dependent on their parents, because of which the completion of the separation can be delayed.
What difficulties may arise?
Not always separation goes smoothly, problems often arise. And usually they are initiated by women, as they have an attachment to children and an emotional connection with them, trying to surround the child with care and protect from dangers.
So, what difficulties may arise from the parents?
- Complicated childbirth, the rejection of their own child. The mother believes that the child has caused her pain, subconsciously blames him.
- Postpartum depression. Parent does not feel like a mother, does not understand what to do and how to interact with the baby, is experiencing anxiety and stress.
- Constant feelings for the state of the child. A woman listens to his breathing, often examines the body, looks for alarming symptoms, and has an irrational fear of illness or death of the offspring.
- Control over all movements of the baby at his first steps.
- Exaggerating the dangers of the world, demonstrating their own fear for the child.
- Psychological control, manipulation. For example, phrases like "If you leave us with dad, we can't live without you."
- Attempts to translate into the child something that parents did not manage to do.
A child may face problems. Symptoms of improperly performed separation may be as follows:
- Fears of losing support and help, a sense of our own weakness, helplessness.
- Problems in communicating with peers, manifested in kindergarten or school.
- Unreasonable phobias, obsessive ideas (for example, that Mom and Dad will quit).
- Guilt and betrayal.
- Deviant behavior: thoughtless actions, deviation from generally accepted moral norms, developing addictions (alcoholic, narcotic).
- The development of complexes, for example, the rejection of one’s body, the feeling of inferiority, the so-called excellent student syndrome.
- Difficulties in dealing with the opposite sex, problems in creating your own family.
- Dependence on parents or other people.
- Apathy, depressive states, irritability.
How to understand that separation is successful?
If the separation is normal, then the child develops harmoniously, socializes, becomes more independent, feels comfortable, does not feel unreasonable fears. But to understand that the separation is completed, you can only evaluate the results:
- Awareness of their own "I", the completion of the formation of personality, the presence of their own views on life and opinions.
- Lack of desire to do bad deeds and act against parents.
- Timely marriage. Matured children should not seek to escape from the parental home, thoughtlessly and early creating their family.
- The presence of clear goals.
- Independence, independence, self-sufficiency.
Consequences of incomplete separation
If the separation is not completed or went wrong, this is indicated by:
- infantilism, unwillingness to take responsibility, indecision;
- exposure to the opinions of others, dependence on the judgments of parents;
- lack of goals and plans for the future;
- guilt in front of parents;
- the feeling that everything is not going as it should, a person does not live his life;
- problems in relationships and in your own family;
- difficulties in raising your child.
Separation is an inevitable and normal process. Parents should realize the need for separation and do everything to make it pass naturally and painlessly.
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